


Lordstorm Explores The Cliches - Alien Sex Pollen

by Kelkat9



Series: Lordstorm and His LiveJournal Adventures [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 02:46:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8872708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: Rose educates the Doctor regarding the Alien Sex Pollen cliche.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this one is not as smutty as the previous cliche fic. Hee, they can't all have the sonic vibrating pirate ducky. Although I think I have another one on this topic that is smuttier - I just need to find it. It may have only been on my original LJ which I deleted but I hope not.
> 
> * * *

As the sun filtered through the trees, it’s rays danced over the Doctor and Rose sitting beneath the lemon tree enjoying their picnic. A breeze picked up carrying the scent of jasmine that was blooming nearby. Rose, dressed in a peach cotton sundress, curled up next to the Doctor who had removed his coat and loosened his tie. They leaned against one another as they sipped their banana daiquiris enjoying the afternoon. Both had kicked off their trainers earlier and wiggled their toes as they relaxed in the garden. The Doctor sipped his banana daiquiri and sighed.  
  
Rose watched as the bees buzzed throughout the garden flying flower to flower. She felt the Doctor shift as one of the bees flew over him. He sat up, put on his glasses and intently watched the bees.  
  
“Doctor, there something wrong?”  
  
“Bees,” he answered absently.  
  
“Bees? What’s wrong with them? Oh, don’t tell me we’re being invaded by alien bees,” she said as she sat up, looking for her trainers in case they had to run.  
  
He turned and looked at her. “Really, Rose, everyone knows that half the Earth’s bee population immigrated here from Melissa Majoria. I was merely studying them as they pollinate the flowers.”  
  
“Oh, any particular reason?”  
  
“Someone sent me a message on LJ. Apparently, they like a cliché known as alien sex pollen.”  
  
Rose giggled. “Oh, yeah, that’s a good one.”  
  
The Doctor shifted until they were looking at each other. “That’s a good one?” he asked, looking at her quizzically.  
  
“Yep. It’s sort of like shag or die except there’s no dying involved.”  
  
The Doctor smirked. “I rather enjoyed our shag or die discussion,” he said in a silky voice. He leaned in and whispered into her ear, “Maybe, you should explain this alien sex pollen theory to me.”  
  
Rose hummed and traced the pads of her fingers over his side burns before tugging him down by the tie to lay next to her. She turned and faced him, her fingers playing with the knot on his tie. “Well, you see, it’s like when two characters really want each other but don’t do anything about. Each of them have their reasons for not telling the other how badly they want them or what they feel. Sometimes it’s cultural differences or cause they have such a brilliant friendship and are worried that sex will muck things up.”  
  
The Doctor interrupted. “That’s rubbish, and I say that from experience. Sex definitely did not muck up anything between us." He leaned over and snogged her and pulled the hair clip from her hair so soft curls tumbled down around her shoulders.  
  
“So, tell me more,” he said softly, as he gently tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.  
  
Rose, who had successfully unknotted his tie, slid it off from around his neck and was playing with it before she responded. “Well, for example, Lordstorm and his voluptuous companion land on this planet and go for a bit of shopping in the market. He wanders off to go look for parts for his ship while she is enjoying a lovely afternoon in the market. She happens upon a place that sells shampoo made from some of the local flowers. It smells lovely, so she buys it and brings it back to the ship not realizing that the pollen is an aphrodisiac. One day after she shampoos her hair, she and her sexy alien are out on an adventure and he gets a whiff of her hair. He starts getting distracted and almost gets them killed.”  
  
“What! Wait a minute. I think I know where this is going and that, well, that’s just not right,” the Doctor said, slightly indignant. “First off, there’s no such thing as what your talking about. I mean shampoo? Really? No, no, no, you see, the process of altering some sort of essence of the flower into a cleaning product would completely remove any possible….”  
  
“Doctor!” Rose drew out, toying with the top buttons on his dress shirt.  
  
“Yes, Rose.”  
  
“Who's telling this story?”  
  
“Right, continue.” He nodded and the corners of his mouth twitched as she deftly unbuttoned two more buttons.  
  
“So, as I was saying, he starts to be affected by the shampoo as does she. You see, while he’s resisting it’s effect and trying to maintain his alien “do not shag the companion” rule, she’s about to go out of her mind with desire. She’s in her room doing all sorts of naughty things and fantasizing while she lies in bed pleasuring herself and finding all sorts of toys to help her get off to these fantasies.”  
  
“Uh, Rose, what king of pleasuring devices? I mean, not everything is as harmless as our sonic pirate ducky. If she was using anything alien, it may not be made for human use and really, she could...”  
  
“Doctor.”  
  
“I’m just saying that if he happened to be oblivious about such use and found out about it later, he might be a bit concerned that she could have hurt herself," he said with emphasis, brown eyes boring into Rose. "Some alien devices might over stimulate her or give her expectations that no humanoid male could compete with. Oh, and if some randy 51st century former companion had left his illicit sex toys lying about where she might be tempted to try them, he might be inclined to go back in time, paradox be dammed, and punch said randy companion in the …”  
  
“Doctor, focus. We’re talking about an example of alien sex pollen. We’ll talk about Jack’s sex toys later.”  
  
“So you do admit to finding Jack’s stash of naughty toys!” he accused, sitting up and looking down at her, brow furrowed and cheeks flushed.  
  
She sat up and poked him in the chest. “I did not say that at all and how do you know he had naughty toys? Were you looking for them?"  
  
The Doctor scoffed and looked off to the side. Rose laughed and covered her mouth with her hand. “I knew it! You were looking for them weren’t you!” she accused, with a big smile.  
  
“If I was, it was only to put them somewhere safe where innocent companions wouldn’t accidentally find them.” he declared in indignation and sniffed, staring over her head.  
  
Rose shook her head, grinning, and lay back down. “Right, we’ll talk about that later. So, back to alien sex pollen.” He settled down and laid back down next to her.  
  
“So, she’s been using this shampoo so it’s like saturating her blood and causing her sex hormones to go off the chart. He’s slowly going a bit mad and every whiff of her hair is pushing him closer and closer to doing something about it. One day she takes a walk in his ship to help distract her and ends up in this meditation room.  
  
As she walks through, she trips over some prayer stone on the floor and ends up on top of her hot and bothered alien who went there to try and meditate and get a grip. He takes one whiff of her hair and loses control. Then they’re all clashing teeth and tongue, bruising passionate kisses, ripped-off clothes and shagging like bunnies. Afterward, he figures out there’s something in her shampoo, but what’s done is done. Now that they’ve broken the ice, there’s no going back so they…” She trailed off, staring off into the garden as she played with a piece of her hair.  
  
He took a deep breath and exhaled. “I see. Soooo, now they’re more than just friends, does it, you know, ruin it,” he asked softly, looking down and playing with the hem of her dress.  
  
Rose sat up and looked at him. She realized how important this answer had become. “No, it made it so much better. You see, she’d been waiting for a bloke like him her whole life. She loved him so much, she’d have never risked his friendship to ask for more unless she thought it’s what he wanted. Cause he’s alien, she thought maybe he didn’t want that with her. So you see, the alien sex pollen helped both of them. It gave them both what they wanted.”  
  
He looked up and smiled at her. “The moral of the story is alien sex pollen is good,” he murmured, as he leaned over and kissed her. He gently pushed her down and unzipped the back of her dress.  
  
She looked up at him. “Oh, alien sex pollen is very good,” she agreed.

* * *


End file.
